Collection Agency, or: How I learned to stop being nice and became a telephone psycho

So, I'm busy at the computer transfering my old four track recordings to digital when the phone rings. I figure my wife must be calling from work for some reason, so I go and pick up, not looking at the caller ID. When I pick up, it's one of those recorded messages telling me to wait for the next representative. I can't believe the audacity of these people, but out of curiosity, I wait for an operator. Then a young lady comes on the line and asks for Kim. I ask "Kim who?" thinking it may be a friend of my wife's old roomate, Kim (people still call here for old roomates who haven't lived at this number for over two years.... it happens). So she garbles the last name and I ask again, "Who?" She again garbles the last name and I say "I don't think I know that person." In an extremely hostile tone, the lady says "then just say 'she doesn't live here'!" Then she hangs up. More than I little perterbed by this rudeness (interrupting my work and life for an unsolicited call and then having the gall to tell me how I should answer, and then hanging up one me!) I decide not to let the rest of my day be marred by the tension of not venting my frustration at its source, so I check the caller ID and call them back.

To the first person I call, I explain what happened and ask to talk to whoever it was who called me. The guy says my phone number has already been "taken out of the system" and there is no way to find out who it was who called. The man condescendingly apologizes and succesfully gets me off the phone. Afterward, I have the feeling of being brushed off too easily. I decide not to make it easy because, again, it is just not right to go through the day angry at someone you didn't confront satisfactorily. Plus, agencies which call like that deserve all the grief they get.

Tense shifts from here onward. This is a stylistic device. English majors get off at this stop.

So I called the jack-asses back and complained some more, explaining that it was rude to waste my time. This gal at the other end said that I was "wasting here time with nonsense." I called her a "see you next Tuesday" and hung up. Then I called back and said "Is Kim there?" I figured I could give them a taste of their own medicine.

"Kim who?" the man asked. "I'm dealing with a few hundred people here.... there are a few Kims."

"Oh, I'm just calling to waste your time, sir," I replied.

"Oh, did you call here a few minutes ago? I think I just talked to you."

"Yeah, that was me."

"Please stop calling. You've been taken out of the system. We won't call again. If you keep harassing us, we'll take action against you."

I was briefly thrown off by this, and hung up. Then I called back and asked what action they could take against me. I reached a reasonable person this time, who explained his coworker was being a bit melodramatic, and that all they could do is call the local police and tell them someone is harrassing them, and they only do that after someone calls for several hours. This all happened within a few minutes. He apologized for the call, and I decided I was satisfied enough that I had disrupted their day as much as they had mine. Perhaps a little more. At least they got payed for it.

Jerks.